Dear God, Are You Listening?

Dear God,

I’m writing this with hopes we can come to a better understanding. I know I haven’t always been the best person, and I know I’ve disappointed you time and time again, but I’m ready to talk and figure out where we went wrong.

I was told about your eternal and all-forgiving love. I was told that if I prayed and served the Lord I would be blessed and receive the love you have to offer. I was told to love my neighbor and to not judge others for living a different life than my own.

I was told many things. I prayed and served, and you never kept your end of the deal.

I’ve been angry with you almost my entire life. Why did the church shut me out when I questioned your existence instead of showing me your grace? Why did my grandmother tell me you were disappointed in me when I expressed I didn’t want to have children.

*Her actual words were “God created women to serve her husband and to have children. You must do your part.”*

Why did my I experience abuse, homelessness, drug addiction, and emotional neglect from those who claimed to serve in your name? Why weren’t you there for me when I was hitting rock bottom and screaming your name into the air with no direction in sight? I don’t understand. If you are all-knowing and gave this life to me, why did you give me such a bad one? You never gave me a chance to learn what it was like to have a family as a child. You never showed me a pathway that would lead me to your grace.

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There are a lot of things you did not do, but I forgive you. I forgive you because I hope that you will forgive me, also. I look back on those hard times, and I see the strength and the courage I have developed because of it. I forgive you because I am still alive to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the grace I was promised is very real.

No, I still don’t thank you for every accomplishment I have, and I don’t give you credit when I talk about my struggles and how I’ve overcome them, but I do talk about how you’ve helped me find inner peace, and how I can now learn to love myself and others, because I know you love me enough to give me the passion and courage to do so.

I came to you angry and resentful. I didn’t bow my head during prayer and I felt silly signing the songs the first time I stepped back into a church. You saw my anger, and felt my resentment, and told me to take that energy and turn it into something that would inspire others to pick themselves off the ground. You gave me a story to tell. You gave me a purpose in life, that I was not aware of until I was in the middle of telling my story and noticed that you played a part every step of the way.

We still have a lot of work to do, but I don’t hate you anymore. I feel the light you shed on me daily. I pray you give me open ears and hearts that will hear the story you gave me so, I can help others help themselves.

Sincerely,

A Found Child.